it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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