batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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