WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
