I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
