she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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