Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
