Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
