did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just google imaged poop.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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