He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
