i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
