i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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