Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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