can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize