I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Quick, to the slutcave!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So much Jack, so little girl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
