I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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