are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
