Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
