these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
