I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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