in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
