he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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