According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
