question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize