what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
