I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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