I just cut my nipple shaving
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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