I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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