Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
