Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
