We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
