The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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