My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
