I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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