I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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