he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
