that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
