you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize