if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
