I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
