oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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