These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There's even glitter on my cock...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
