yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
