What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
