She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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