it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
