New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Drake has all the answers
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
