i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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