if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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