Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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