He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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