you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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