so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
