umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
