guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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