Your face is a jimmy john
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
