My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize