i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
