are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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