I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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