Don't you send me to vm
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
