I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
