I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They have beer where we have blood.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
