which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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