I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
