Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.

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(804): View more from Virginia

she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"

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(903): View more from Texas

I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.

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(619): View more from California

Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?

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(765): View more from Indiana

Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.

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(806): View more from Texas

Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....

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(818): View more from California

A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away

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